


I'm too tired to be tough (just wanna be loved)

by attolians (annber)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, and/or rescue operations, let's just...shhhhh, no beta we die like men, possible wild inaccuracies of caves, vague discussions of religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22522678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annber/pseuds/attolians
Summary: The roof of the cave grows closer, closer, closer.Eddie knows he should turn off his headlamp, he knows he should save the battery – but he has to know. He has to know how much room they have left.Once the room runs out, so does the air.His teeth stopped chattering a while ago, he wishes that was a good sign. But Eddie can hardly feel the warmth of Buck through their soaked clothes now....aka a call goes bad and Eddie is left with limited options.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 11
Kudos: 303





	I'm too tired to be tough (just wanna be loved)

**Author's Note:**

> ok I'm not gonna apologize 15 times before the actual fic. 
> 
> I didn't really research for this so please don't expect too much c:

Eddie didn’t know how everything had gone so wrong, so quickly.

He keeps playing what was a matter of seconds over and over in his head.

If he’d been paying attention – if he’d been half a second faster.

You could never afford to lose focus on a call. Especially not inside a cave, searching for trapped kids.

The cave’s mouth was in a steep cliff – they didn’t have much time left before the tide came in.

They’d repelled down nearly twenty minutes ago. They’d gotten three kids out without any further emergencies. But, Buck thought he’d heard something deeper in the cave.

Chim was making sure the boys were getting pulled up safely and in the chaos, they didn’t get a clear answer on whether or not there was someone else in the cave.

Buck had gone deeper into the cave and by the time Eddie followed him – it was too late.

The cave floor gave out underneath their combined weight, setting off more collapses inside the cave.

Eddie grabbed hold of Buck’s arm but rather than doing anything to save him – Eddie gets yanked down into the black gaping hole as well.

Now…Buck is unconscious.

He’s bleeding under his hairline and Eddie can barely stop himself from panicking.

The tide is coming in. Eddie knows the crew won’t be able to get back to them until it goes out.

Which means he and Buck are on their own for the night. Which really means…he’s on his own.

It was a sunny day but deep in the cave it’s only getting colder.

Eddie’s brain is jumping from one thought to another like a frightened rabbit. He knows the last thing he can afford to do is panic. He’s cut off from the surface, Buck is unconscious, and no help is coming until the morning.

He forces himself to stop. Just for a moment. Just a second of clarity.

The tide will come in. They’re deeper in the cave than they were.

Eddie needs to get them to higher ground. Except he has no idea how to do that in a cave that’s already half collapsed around them.

Okay. It’s not like he’s never transported a body – a _person_ before.

He won’t think of Buck as a body. Not now, not ever.

He’s done this before. Sure, not this _exactly_. But he’s done this. Search and rescue without the search.

Eddie takes a determined breath and nods to himself.

Buck is still wearing his harness just like Eddie is.

Eddie nods again.

He can make this work.

He’d spent nearly half an hour carving hand and foot holds into the wall. The jagged edge they fell off is about ten feet above them.

“Next time you make a joke about carrying the team, I’m gonna let you have it,” Eddie tells his unconscious best friend.

Eddie returns to Buck, crouching down.

Buck is still unconscious, still bleeding sluggishly, but his pulse is strong in his wrist and Eddie will take what he can get.

“Alright, Buddy, let’s get out of here.”

It takes some doing, but Eddie manages to hook their harnesses together. Both of the clips that are meant to hold them to the repel ropes are currently attaching Buck to Eddie’s back. What little rope Eddie had is looped through the front of Buck’s harness and the back of Eddie’s. The harness does its job, forming a basket for Buck to hang in.

“We can do this,” Eddie says, unsure which of them he’s speaking to.

He approaches the wall slowly, wary of displacing Buck’s weight too quickly and toppling them both.

Eddie grabs some loose dirt out of one of his handholds and claps it between his sweaty palms. With one last deep breath and a muttered prayer, Eddie begins the climb.

By the time he heaves both of them onto the ledge, Eddie is almost glad Buck is unconscious.

He’d been stuck with the ridge digging into his hips for what felt like half an hour, unable to push their combined weight the last foot.

It took a lot of doing, a lot of swearing, and even a few screams before the very last bit of Eddie’s strength proved to be enough.

He lies underneath Buck for a few minutes, panting into the floor of the cave. He needs to get Buck off his back and check his vitals – he needs to check the time too.

Sure, he could just wait until there’s water swirling around his ankles – but he’d rather be prepared.

Eddie tries for a few minutes to wake Buck – still nothing.

He can’t help but send a quick prayer that Buck’s brain isn’t swelling in his head right now. Or that he’ll bleed out.

Eddie swears to himself, biting down on the inside of his cheek before unbuttoning his shirt. After some consideration he strips off his harness and the navy button up. His undershirt will be easier to tear.

He takes off Buck’s helmet carefully before tearing some makeshift bandages. It’s not the most sanitary thing he’s ever done but his options are limited.

Eddie wakes to the sound of rushing water.

His body tries and fails to produce the correct amount of adrenaline, too drained. Instead, weak tendrils curl around his nerve endings before fading off.

He’d told himself not to sleep too many times to count.

Now, looking at his watch he can see it’s nearly eight.

The sun’s gone down some time ago and yes – there’s water coming into the cave.

Eddie stumbles to his feet, slapping both of his cheeks quickly.

There’s not enough water to touch him yet, but it’s getting dangerously close to Buck where it’s streaming across the floor of the cave. Right now it’s a thin stream, barely enough to darken the silt.

Fear clutches him. How much water is going to come in? Is he better off getting them both out of the cave?

Maybe the team is still out there. Maybe they’ll have boats…

 _No_ , Eddie has to shake himself.

Going out into the ocean has to be a last resort.

He doesn’t know there will be enough water to fill the cave. Not for sure.

Ironically, it looks like it will be Buck’s rash decision will save them. The excess room created in the cave floor is exactly where the water goes.

Eddie’s leaning against the wall with Buck leaning against his chest.

There’s nothing for him to do but watch the water go by.

Eddie doesn’t allow himself to sleep again.

He jiggles his leg and talks to Buck. Endlessly, he talks to Buck. It’s the only thing that keeps him focused.

There’s enough water to cover the floor of the cave now. It’s still flowing into the hole Eddie had pulled Buck out of but it’s been going there for hours already and the water doesn’t show signs of stopping.

Of course it doesn’t – it’s the entire fucking ocean.

Eddie’s soaked from his hips down, the cold water seeping into the heavy fabric of his pants.

His arms wrap tighter around Buck’s waist without his permission.

In the end, Eddie only has one option.

With the water filling the hole in the back of the cave and still covering every bit of floor Eddie can see – Eddie picks Buck up and spills them both right back into the hole.

His head dips underwater and he kicks furiously, panicking even with one arm still wrapped around Buck.

He drags a lungful of chilled air in with a ragged gasp.

It’s with shaking hands that he hooks their harnesses back together. This time, Buck is hooked to Eddie’s front.

Eddie can’t help it – he starts praying again. He tilts onto his back, still holding onto Buck.

They float. Thank _God_ , they float.

The dim circle of light from his headlamp sways on the roof of the cave.

It’s high though, higher than the tunnel they’d come out of.

The sliver of hope Eddie has isn’t much – but he holds onto it as tightly as he can.

The dark roof of the cave grows closer, closer, closer.

Eddie knows he should turn off his headlamp, he knows he should save the battery – but he has to know. He has to know how much room they have left.

Once the room runs out, so does the air.

His teeth stopped chattering a while ago, he wishes that was a good sign. But Eddie can hardly feel the warmth of Buck through their soaked clothes now.

Several times his fingers sneak to the pulse point under Buck’s jaw. Almost like a nervous flutter.

There’s no point in checking the time, even when the tide starts to recede there’s no telling the water will drain back out in time.

Eddie keeps ahold of Buck. He keeps praying.

At the water’s highest point – Eddie can reach up and touch the ceiling. It’s enough to set his heart in his throat.

He finds himself making so many promises to God that he loses count.

It’s ridiculous, he knows. God doesn’t have to answer prayers. He probably has way better things to do than listen to Eddie. But…Eddie can’t seem to help himself.

Buck is his best friend. He’s already been through so much. The last thing he deserves is dying trying to save some dumbass kids.

Maybe later Eddie will feel bad about the uncharitable thought but right now…

Eddie’s distracted from the ceiling when Buck begins stirring on his chest.

“Mmm… rem-um-why am…I wet?”

Relief floods Eddie, making his head dip back in the water.

“Buckley,” he says, clearing his throat. “You’re wet because we’re in a cave.”

“On shift?”

“Yeah. Do you remember? You went deeper into the cave.”

Buck is silent for a few moments, apparently thinking this over.

“And you followed me.”

It’s not a question, so Eddie doesn’t answer it.

“The tide?”

“We’ll be okay.”

It could be true.

It happens so slowly, Eddie thinks he’s imagining it at first.

But the circle of his headlamp is getting smaller on the roof of the cave – they’re sinking.

“I told you,” Eddie says, smug, “we’ll be just fine.”

Buck doesn’t respond and Eddie grips him tighter, finds his pulse.

It’s still there, beating strongly.

 _Thank you_.

Once the water goes down enough to get them back into the hall, Eddie will wake him up. For now, it’s probably better that he sleeps.

“Hey,” Eddie calls softly. He pats Buck’s cheek. “Hey, Buckaroo, it’s time to wake up, okay?”

Buck’s nose wrinkles. His eyelids flutter.

“Eds?”

“Yup, it’s me. It’s morning. We’re gonna be out of here any minute.”

Buck smiles dopily at him.

“Okay. Goodnight.”

“Uh, uh, not so fast, Buddy.”

Eddie sits Buck up against the wall of the cave again. He runs him through concussion protocols as sunlight finally begins to filter into the cave.

“Diaz! Buckley! Diaz! Buckley!”

The voices are coming from outside the cave and Eddie shoves to his feet faster than he would have thought possible if he hadn’t already done it.

“Here!” he yells back with all his strength. “We’re here!”

A firefighter he doesn’t know repels into the cave, carefully unhooking herself.

“There’s gonna be people very happy to hear that,” she informs them. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Eddie smiles, barely able to feel the expression through his exhaustion and relief.

“Him first…take my partner first.”

It’s not until Eddie’s in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital that he remembers the promises he made.

…

Eddie is discharged from the hospital after two days.

Of course, Buck is not so lucky.

But, Eddie has it on good authority that Buck is healing, already eager to get back to the station.

He’s going to be just fine.

Eddie’s relieved to hear it.

Even if the news also sends a dull pang through him.

He’s a man of his word. He doesn’t go see Buck in the hospital.

He has to maintain his space.

…

It’s a full two weeks before Buck is back at the station.

Christopher has stopped asking about him four times a day.

Eddie’s trying to wait him out, hoping they can get down to once a day soon.

Of course, there’s no reason Buck can’t see Christopher.

Eddie just has to go about it the right way.

It has to be time for Buck and Christopher – not time for Eddie.

Eddie needs a legitimate excuse to not be at the house while Buck hangs out with Christopher.

The worst part is this will be the easiest excuse. The first one. The one Buck is least likely to question.

Still, Eddie’s been agonizing over what to text Buck for nearly forty minutes.

He’s interrupted by his thoughts by the sound of Christopher’s crutches coming down the hall.

“Dad?” Christopher asks, poking his head into Eddie’s room.

“Yeah, bud?”

Christopher hesitates.

“Can we call Buck?”

Eddie’s face relaxes into a smile. He drops his phone on the bed and climbs out, crossing to the door.

“Of course we can.”

He picks Christopher up, easing him into the bed before climbing back in beside him and turning to grab his phone.

Should he be using his son as a buffer? Absolutely not. Is he going to? Absolutely.

Eddie leans back against the headboard and wraps an arm around his son before clicking Buck’s number.

Christopher sighs happily and rearranges his crutch so it’s laying over his legs instead of the space between them.

Eddie shifts closer and puts the call on speakerphone.

Buck answers after two rings, sounding oddly breathless.

“Eds?”

“Bucky!” Christopher cries before Eddie’s said anything.

“Christopher! How you doing, little man?”

“Good,” Christopher laughs.

“I’m here too,” Eddie says, biting his cheek for a second.

This can’t be about him.

“You’re on speaker.”

There’s a pause before Buck speaks again, sounding almost shy.

“Hey, Eddie. How are you?”

“Good too,” he hesitates, “how are you?”

“I’m great,” Buck answers, happily enough that Eddie can picture his grin.

“Well, I’ve got some errands to run today,” _lie,_ “so I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind hanging out with Chris for a few hours?”

“Of course, man! What time do you need me?”

“Now,” Christopher answers, laughing again.

“Chris,” Eddie chides, laughing too. “Whenever is convenient, Buck. Don’t listen to him.”

“It’s never a mad time for my favorite Diaz men,” Buck replies. “I’ll be over in twenty.”

Eddie’s chest feels warm.

He can let himself have this, can’t he? Just – a moment.

“Okay,” he agrees. “See you, soon.”

Twenty minutes later Eddie’s nerves are buzzing as he waits for Buck to arrive.

He wants more than anything to shed the lies and spend the day with his son and Buck – but he’d promised.

Christopher abandons the TV the moment Buck walks in and _shit_ – Eddie had forgotten Buck had that key now.

That certainly complicates things.

But it’s not exactly like he can ask for it back.

Maybe that’s a loophole? If Buck is the one to initiate contact?

Eddie frowns, already not knowing the answer.

He’s distracted by the cheering as Buck picks Christopher up and spins him around.

It’s impossible to tell who’s more thrilled to see the other.

Eddie smiles even as he’s filled with regret. He had no business keeping them apart – but at the same time…it’s so hard to see Buck here.

It’s so hard to acknowledge the sacrifice Eddie had been willing to make.

It seems so foolish in retrospect but…can he take the risk?

“Hey, Eds,” Buck greets.

Christopher is happily on his hip, both thin arms wrapped around Buck’s neck and his cheek pressed to Buck’s shoulder.

“Hey. Sure you’re up for this?”

For just a second, Eddie thinks he sees a flash of confusion in Buck’s eyes.

But, the only response he gets is,

“Always.”

The conviction there is enough to knock the breath from Eddie.

“Alright,” he says shallowly, “well, I’m off. I’ll see you both later.”

“Wha- You’re leaving right now?” Buck questions, his brow wrinkling.

“Yup,” Eddie says brightly. “Lots to do.”

He pats each jacket pocket for his phone and keys respectively before escaping out the door.

Once it’s closed solidly behind it he leans back against the surface and takes a calming breath.

He can figure out how to do this.

He has to.

He promised.

…

Admittedly – this is a low point in Eddie’s life.

He’d gone to see a movie. Then he’d gone to the grocery store…but he couldn’t buy anything refrigerated or frozen because he was hiding from his own house.

So, he left the grocery store and went to a bar.

Nearly four hours later, he was far too drunk to drive himself anywhere.

Sure, he could get an uber or lyft home…but then there would be Buck. Not to mention, explaining to Buck why Eddie had asked him to watch Christopher so he could get shitfaced in a bar.

Father of the year material there.

That left Eddie to do the only sensible thing in his alcohol soaked mind.

He called his tía for a ride.

On the way back to her house she gave him a reprieve – even if the air in her car was a bit tense.

However, the moment she’s closed and locked her front door behind them she turns on him.

“Edmundo,” she says firmly, “what are you doing?”

Eddie nearly crumples right then. His eyes burn with tears and his chest _aches_.

“I can’t be at home right now,” he says.

He crosses to her faded loveseat and sinks onto it.

“¿Por qué no?”

Maybe he’s still a little drunk, because he blurts out the truth.

“Buck is there.”

His tía narrows her eyes and crosses to sit next to him on the loveseat.

“Why is Buck there and you are not?”

“Because Christopher missed him.”

“Edmundo,” she repeats, staring into his eyes intently.

He says nothing, holding out as long as he can.

“Explain.”

Eddie exhales. He rubs at his eyes harshly before leaning his head back against the loveseat.

“When we were trapped in that cave, the tide coming in – and I had no idea if we’d make it back out; I prayed all night.”

It’s easier to tell the ceiling. In fact, it’s almost like he’s back in the cave.

He can still remember it so clearly. Floating but trapped. Looking up at that inescapable wall of rock.

His tía waits – she can tell there’s more.

“But I didn’t just pray,” he admits quietly.

Shame rises up his throat and he has to swallow against the feeling.

“I made a promise to God. I made more promises than I can count. To please, _please_ , let Buck live. That I wasn’t even asking for myself – that I was asking because he is a good man. Because he would do more good in this world. Because he _can’t_ die.”

A warm, wrinkled hand lays over his.

“God does not make bargains, Edmundo.”

“But what if he did?” Eddie demands, finally turning to look at her.

A tear slips out at the motion but he doesn’t bother to swipe it away.

“What if this time he did? What if I owe him? What if I don’t deserve to have Buck in my life anymore?”

His tía clicks her tongue, squeezing his hand harder.

“Life is not an exchange. You have nothing to offer God that he cannot create for himself, Edmundo. Life is a _gift_. Every moment that you spend on this earth has been given to you.”

“But what if-”

“You lived too.”

Eddie frowns in confusion.

“What?”

“You ‘bargained’ for Buck’s life, correct?”

The air quotes are apparent in her tone.

He thinks maybe he should be mad, but instead he just feels defeated.

“Yes.”

“So, would it not make more sense to exchange a life for a life? Yours for his? Would that not be a better bargain for God, if he so wished?”

She releases his hand, leaning forward to take his face in her hands instead.

“No offense meant, Edmundo, but you think too highly of yourself. If God had accepted these terms – surely you would know.”

More tears spill out and Eddie sighs deeply.

“You don’t understand,” he insists. “I _lied_. I did ask for myself. I begged for myself. Because I can’t lose him. I _love_ him and I can’t lose him.”

“God already knows what is in your heart. He has already forgiven. If Buck was not meant to be in your life he would not be in your life. Stop rejecting the gift you have been given and go home to him.”

Eddie doesn’t respond right away.

His tía’s words are slowly reaching him, lapping over him like gentle waves against a beach.

She makes a much better argument than he does.

Could she be right?

“Um,” he says, his cheeks increasingly hot under her palms, “I’m probably still not okay to drive.”

She sighs heavily, but a smile curves her lips.

…

Eddie feels much more sober standing outside his door but somehow still not sober enough.

How is he going to explain this to Buck and act like they’re still just casual friends?

Maybe he wouldn’t have to explain?

Like he’s going to find out standing outside.

Eddie shakes his keys out of his pocket and enters his own front door, ears perked to try and assess the situation inside.

The TV is playing quietly enough that Eddie assumes Christopher is asleep in front of it, he hears water shut off in the kitchen and makes his way there.

“Hey,” Buck says, not turning from the sink. “You missed dinner.”

Eddie has to tuck his hands in his pocket, feeling contrite.

“I’m sorry.”

Buck drops another plate in the drying rack and turns. As he takes in the sight of Eddie both his eyebrows go up. He takes half a step forward before crossing his arms over his chest.

“Should I ask what’s going on with you? Will you answer me?”

“It’s embarrassing to say out loud,” Eddie admits.

His hands curl into fists in his pockets.

“If you need someone to watch your son while you go get drunk-”

“That’s not what it was about.”

Buck only looks relieved for a moment. Then his focus seems to double.

“What was it about?”

“I just…couldn’t be here.”

“Then why did you ask me over, Eddie? I can clearly get the picture, that you don’t want me around anymore so-”

“Christopher missed you.”

It’s the truth, but it’s also the wrong thing to say.

Buck was already getting wound up and this only makes his eyes widen and his throat flush a darker shade of pink.

“But you don’t want me here,” he accuses. “And Christopher is asleep. So, I’ll head out.”

“Buck,” Eddie protests, sidestepping to bodily block him. “Wait, alright?”

“What?”

“Look, can we sit down? I don’t want to do this with you ready to bolt.”

Buck bites his bottom lip before nodding.

They both move to the table and pull out a chair.

Eddie forces himself to start talking – he knows he owes Buck.

“When we were in the cave-”

“I’m sorry I almost got us killed, okay?”

Eddie shakes his head, almost tempted to smile.

“Buck, you were doing your job. It’s not about that. It’s…I thought we were going to die. I thought _you_ were going to die. You were bleeding, unconscious, and we were just floating in this cold ass water waiting for the tide to go back out. The water just kept going higher and higher. I had no idea if we would make it. And I just started…praying. Trying to make deals with God. I offered him up bargaining chips; because you don’t gain anything without sacrifice, right? And I told him that you deserved to live. Even if I didn’t make it, you should. And if you did make it then I would…I don’t know? I would never hurt you again. I would make sure you were safe to keep making the world a better place. I would make sure that you had a good life and-”

Buck lays a hand over Eddie’s fist on the table, stemming the flow of words.

Eddie takes a deep breath, feeling alarmingly close to crying again.

“I couldn’t lose you,” he says, swallowing. “You can’t not be in the world, Evan. Even if I don’t get to be in yours.”

Buck runs his free hand through his hair, sighing deeply.

“Well…goddamn. What am I supposed to say to that?”

“I know it was stupid,” Eddie says, cheeks hot again. “I’m sorry.”

Buck still can’t seem to string a sentence together.

Luckily, Eddie’s mouth can’t stop leaking words.

“It was the only thing I could think of. It doesn’t even make sense because I just kept thinking that I can’t lose you but then I was willing to stay out of your life to make sure that I didn’t hurt you or put you in danger and what would be the point of that if God did bargain?”

“Eddie,” Buck says, alarmingly sober, “I know it was hard when you lost Shannon. I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

“This isn’t about that,” Eddie insists.

Is it?

But how can he tell Buck he loves him?

“We both put our lives on the line every day for a job. I know the risks. I know we both have a chance of dying out there. It was just… I was holding you in my arms and we were floating. Just floating there. I felt so helpless and I just had to try, I guess.”

“I’m sure you would have done the same for Hen or Chim.”

Eddie’s mouth opens and he knows he should answer. But it’s almost as if his mouth has already said so much he just…can’t push this lie out.

The silence has already gone on too long so Eddie just shuts his mouth again. He sits back slowly, withdrawing his hand from under Buck’s.

“Eddie…”

Finally, they’re both at a loss for words.

Buck seems to steel himself, leaning an elbow on the table to get closer to Eddie.

“You said it yourself, we both put our lives on the line every day. So, you might lose me someday. And I need to know that you’ll be alright if you do.”

“I can’t-”

Buck leans even closer, clapping a hand over Eddie’s mouth.

“Just…lie to me, alright? Tell me you’ll be okay. Because guess what, Diaz? I can’t lose you either.”

Eddie doesn’t think about it.

He can’t.

Instead, he pulls Buck’s hand from his mouth but keeps ahold of it, needing Buck to stay still. His free hand comes up to the back of Buck’s neck and he slots their mouths together in a desperate kiss.

Buck’s chair scrapes across the floor as he yanks himself closer to Eddie, one hand fisting in the collar of Eddie’s jacket.

“Fuck you,” Buck exhales as they part, “you can’t fucking tell me you were so desperate to save me you were praying and making deals with God and then just…” Buck frowns, trailing off. His eyes drop to Eddie’s lips and he leans forward, kissing him again.

“I’m sorry.”

Eddie can’t make himself release Buck. He knows he should. He knows he might still get punched. But his hands won’t relax.

They’re still inches apart, Buck’s lips slick from the drag of his tongue.

“Don’t leave me again,” he commands, voice hoarse.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Do better. Go take a shower. I’ll get Chris into bed. I’m staying the night and I’m not sleeping on the couch.”

A smile slowly makes its way across Eddie’s mouth.

“Did you want to borrow pajamas or were you just going to demand those as well?”

“Don’t think because you were romantic that you didn’t still mess up.”

Buck extricates himself and walks into the living room without another word.

Left with little choice, Eddie does as he’s told.

It’s not long after he climbs into bed that Buck makes his way in, leaving the door cracked.

“You’re 100% sober, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Good. Any other burning confessions?”

The room is dim, only the lamp on the nightstand still on. It’s not enough to disguise Eddie’s embarrassment though.

Buck unzips his hoodie before letting it drop to the floor. He opens his jeans and shoves them down before climbing in the bed. He looks to Eddie expectantly.

What has he got to lose?

“I guess I should say that I might be a little bit in love with you.”

Buck smiles, his eyes almost unbearably gentle.

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Good.”

Eddie almost asks if Buck has anything to confess, but he quiets the thought.

If the kisses hadn’t been enough – if Buck beside him in bed isn’t enough – well he probably doesn’t deserve Buck anyway.

He’ll wait.

And maybe when Buck’s ready…

He leans closer to Buck, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Goodnight, Caro.”

“Goodnight,” Buck returns.

Eddie twists around to turn off the light.

It’s enough, he thinks.

The two most important people in his life are safe. They’re under his roof.

Maybe sometimes you don’t have to sacrifice anything to gain something in return.

…

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! I told myself I was going to figure out hotlinks but I'm two glasses of wine deep sooooooo rnercutieo at tumblr if you'd like to say hi!


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